No Guarantees

There are no guarantees. From the viewpoint of fear none are strong enough. From the viewpoint of love none are needed. ~Emmanuel’s Book II

Have you ever known someone – perhaps a friend, a child, a parent, a significant other – for whom no assurance of love was ever enough? This quote reminded me of a relationship I had years ago with someone who never could believe that I truly cared about them. This led me on a futile quest to show over and over, in more and more ways, that I did in fact love them very much. No matter what I did, however, there was another “test,” another promise demanded, another accusation of my failure to prove my devotion. I kept thinking that if I just hung in there long enough, the other person would become convinced of my commitment and relax into a loving relationship. Yeah, that didn’t work.

I came to understand that it didn’t matter what I did or said. For reasons that were beyond my understanding, and certainly beyond my control, this person was locked within an impregnable fortress of fear, often manifesting as hurt or anger. There was nothing left for me to do but walk away, thereby confirming this person’s worst narrative.

Sometimes it is us holding love at arm’s length, looking for some guarantee that opening our hearts will not end in pain. But really, if you think about it, even a long, happy marriage inevitably ends in loss when one partner dies. There are no guarantees of permanence. On the contrary, everything that begins in time will end in time. Everything in this realm of existence is impermanent. That is the nature and the reality of the manifested universe of form. So what are we to do?

An open heart is a vulnerable heart. But an open heart is the only heart that can give and receive love, knowing the risk, accepting that holding on or trying to prevent change is never going to be successful. An open heart has the courage to step into the uncertainty of life willingly, fearlessly, embracing all that life has to offer with humility, gratitude, and wonder. What is asked of us is everything. What is given to us is so much more.

One of my favorite movie scenes is at the end of The Wind and the Lion, when Rasuli turns to his companion and asks, “Sherif, is there not one thing in your life that is worth losing everything for?”

We might all answer that question differently, but for me, when I asked myself that question two years ago, my response was, “Yes, the liberation of love.”

You give yourself to life out of love, and it is love more fiercely that you walk through the fires of sorrow that forge the heart into boundless affection. ~Adyashanti