Walk sweetly with yourself. Find every reason possible to love who you are. ~Emmanuel’s Book II
The Bible tells us to love our enemies as ourselves. The Dao De Jing speaks of extending self-love to all creation. But these teachings assume that we love ourselves. The story is told of the Dalai Lama being asked by Western Buddhists how to address the issue of self-hatred. He was so perplexed by the question that he had to confer with his translator for some time before responding. “But that’s a mistake,” he said. “Every being is precious!”
I was leading a women’s retreat one time and asked the participants to think about someone who loved them unconditionally – that could be another person, a dog, God – anyone at all, and then to describe themselves the way that being would describe them. They were unable to do it. In fact, the whole notion of describing themselves through someone else’s loving eyes created so much discomfort that I set my notes aside and shifted the focus to exploring how our families, our culture, our religion, our education, and so forth have conditioned us to deny the possibility that we are worthy of such love.
What’s almost as astonishing is how we have internalized this conditioning so completely that we never think to question it. Indeed, most of us are not even aware that we have been so fundamentally programed. When I invited the women in the retreat to explore this conditioning with me, many were uncomfortable even considering that the messages of unworthiness we have received might not be true. To even entertain such a notion seemed, as some said, arrogant, selfish, wrong.
Wow. That is some serious violence that we do to ourselves. Just think, for a moment, of all the ramifications of such self-condemnation, not just in our individual lives, but in the lives of our families, our communities, our nations.
Such musings are beyond the scope of this modest post, but could we perhaps, just for a moment, pretend that we are loveable and indeed loved beyond all imagination? Could we treat ourselves, just for a moment, like we would treat someone we deeply love? What would happen? Would we become self-absorbed monsters of greed and cruelty? Or would we be so filled with love that it would naturally overflow, spilling out on all around us like a waterfall of blessings?
Love is our natural state. The Bible says that we are created in God’s image, and that God is love. Love is not something that we need to earn or deserve. Love is who we are, always and already loved, loving, loveable. Consider, just for a moment, that that is true.
O God, help me to believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is. Amen. ~Macrina Wiederkehr
I love this blog…. And to find every reason possible to love ourselves
Thank you Esther!
Describing yourself the way someone who loves you would: what a fascinating idea, yet virtually impossible for most of us!
Maybe accepting that you are loved deeply by another is all that is needed. That reality should tell us we are doing a decent job at the task of being human.
You are right — it was more difficult that I anticipated. I thought that by imagining someone else’s words of love, they could voice loving things about themselves since it was really “someone else” saying the words. But no! So perhaps your suggestion is a good first step — just knowing that you are loved. Thanks for your comment, Bob.