I am never upset for the reason I think. ~A Course in Miracles
What happens when we feel disturbed? The mind starts thinking. Emotions flood the body with sensation. At least that is what happened to me recently when I got upset after a conversation with someone. I was upset about what the other person said, and then I was upset that I got upset!
So what is really going on when we are upset? A Course in Miracles says we are never disturbed for the reason we think. Maybe the key word in that statement is “think.” Something happens. The mind labels it as a problem. Blame is assigned. A solution is sought. All this is happening in our thoughts.
The past is revisited. But is it really? Or is it our story about the past that we replay over and over, telling our chosen narrative to ourselves and whoever will listen? Then we add to the narrative numerous imagined variations. I could have, I should have, I wish I had, why didn’t I. And we have feelings about all those versions too.
When we have exhausted our narratives, ourselves, and our patient listeners, we switch to the future, endlessly rehearsing what we will say or do, and how these plans will lead to outcomes that will make us feel better.
But does any of it – retelling the past, rehearsing the future – really alleviate our suffering? Where is this suffering really taking place? What is the actual source of our distress? Can we pause and look deeply, tolerating the discomfort long enough to trace its origin? Is it somewhere other than in our thoughts? Probably not.
In my own situation, I was acutely aware that my mind was like a runaway horse, or perhaps more accurately, like a hamster on a wheel, spinning and spinning and getting nowhere. I could feel so much distress, not based in what happened, but in my resulting narratives, which included blaming the other person, nursing hurt feelings, and blaming myself for allowing myself to get so hooked. I knew enough to recognize this, and yet I still sought solace in more thoughts of what I would say or do in response. Unsurprisingly, these thoughts did not really help at all. I was still disturbed.
If the source of my distress was not just “in” my thoughts, but the thinking process itself, then thinking even more was not likely to help. So I turned my attention in a different direction – toward meditation, internal energy alignment, breathing.
And what do you know? I felt better – calm, centered, restored. Not by denying or repressing anything, but by just dropping the stories and judgments. A Course in Miracles says we are upset because we see something that is not there. My stories and judgments were not real. When I released them and let things be, yes, I still had some feelings, but I was not so buffeted by them. I was better able to be fully present and respond appropriately to whatever was happening rather than reacting within the closed universe of my thoughts.
I know this! We all do. How generous the universe is to continue giving us so many opportunities to remember.
Only with equanimity can we see that everything that comes into our circle has come to teach us what we need to know. ~Pema Chödrön