Practicing the external martial arts taekwondo and kung fu gave me lots of experience with humility. Resuming this training in my 50s after being away from it for several decades meant that I was a beginner once again and most often the oldest person in the room. It was obvious from the start that I was never going to keep up with or reach the skill level of my teachers and fellow students, who were all younger, stronger, and more experienced than I.
And yet I thrived. My practice was challenging, fun, and deeply meaningful to me. My relationships with teachers and students were mutually enjoyable and respectful. How was that possible? It was possible because every time I entered, I left my ego at the door. We fear that if we embrace humility, people will take advantage of us or mistreat us in some way. We think that humility will make us weak and unable to stand up to injustice. But for me, humility was empowering and liberating. I was free to immerse myself in the practice, work hard, and do well because I was not self-conscious about who I was or what others thought. I found within myself a tremendous power to be fully engaged with my whole self without concern for competitive comparisons. And, in a backwards sort of way, this relinquishment of ego made me a much better martial artist, and I attained levels that would have been beyond my reach if I had shackled myself with a limiting ego.
As I’ve often said, as in martial art, so in life. The ego that we think is so essential to success often hinders more than helps. It makes us vulnerable to anxiety about honor and disgrace, both dependent on what others think of us, which is something over which we have no control. We sometimes confuse humility with humiliation, but only the ego can feel humiliation. Genuine relationship with others is not possible when we are presenting ourselves as we wish to be seen rather than having the courage to be unapologetically who we are. That courage comes from humility, not from ego, and thus is never threatened by humiliation.
Humility does not make us a doormat. It makes us powerful and free. So leave your ego on that doormat and come on in where life is full and without limits.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. ~Rick Warren
Thank you! It has taken me a very long time to even contemplate the positive side of humility, but it has, somewhat grudgingly, become a cherished part of my practice.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on humility, Deirdre. You’ll have to tell me more about the “grudgingly” part!
I have always struggled with being a beginner, in almost anything. The feeling of being exposed and lacking control are powerful.
Rick Warren’s quote is perfect for me. When I find myself reluctant to persevere, I hope I remember his words.