“You do you” is sometimes used to dismiss someone you do not agree with, similar to phrases like “suit yourself” or “whatever.” Someone said this to me not long ago. I admit that at the time it stung. But later I thought about the phrase itself apart from the context in which it was used. And I liked it.
We are encouraged and conditioned to conform to the social norms of our culture. Traditions can become requirements. Describing someone as well-adjusted is a compliment. But what is it that needs adjusting? And what is sacrificed in the process of conforming? What is the price of acceptance into an artificially structured social order? And what about those places where cultures intersect, creating multiple structures with competing rules of belonging? Fitting in someplace can mean not fitting in somewhere else. How does one choose?
There is nothing wrong with belonging. But when we have to pretend to be something that we are not, when we have to deny some part of who we are in order to maintain our acceptance in the group, we do violence to ourselves, and our belonging never feels safe or genuine. Sometimes, in moments of clarity, we see what is happening. We see through the illusion to the truth. And then the question becomes one of courage.
I’m reminded of the Hans Christian Andersen tale of the emperor’s new clothes. The emperor was swindled into believing that he was wearing the finest new clothes that would appear invisible to those who were ignorant and stupid. Of course, then everyone, including the emperor, pretended that they could see these extravagant garments, until a child shouted out the obvious – the emperor was wearing nothing!
Most of us, if we’re honest, can remember a time when we went along with something we sensed wasn’t right. I know I have. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten braver, or perhaps pretending just takes more energy than I have anymore. I’ve learned that the price of being accepted is sometimes just too high, and that there is freedom and empowerment in daring to be myself.
One walks the path of liberation alone until one discovers that “alone” is an illusion, masking the truth of “all one.” It is not insane to stand apart from an insane world, a world based on the faulty premise of separation. Conforming to an insane world is not sanity. Sanity is remembering who you are, seeing through the illusion, and loving it all. Sanity is daring to do you.
Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. ~Oscar Wilde
I imagine how that phrase is delivered affects how it is received. But, I have always seen it as an affirmation of individuality.
There is a local casino that uses “You Do You” as their primary marketing message. Frankly, a gambling facility is probably not a great example of not following the crowd. Even so, the words resonate with me.
In a world where there too many “influencers” and sheep, any call to think for oneself is a bright spot.
Oh, I am glad to hear that the phrase is also used in this positive way. That’s how I came to see it myself. That is funny about the casino marketing message, though. Thanks for commenting, Bob.
Thank you for sharing this, Beth! Loved it!
Thanks Sue, so glad you liked it.