Not once but twice in recent weeks I caught myself being judgmental in a way that surprised me. Both times, my judgment was based on a narrative, a story I was telling myself about things I had observed. At its inception an observation is neutral, but then we quickly start embellishing it with interpretations and evaluations, which in turn lead to how we respond.
In each case I made judgments about a person that, upon further inquiry, turned out to be mistaken. I was surprised because I spend a lot of time thinking, talking, and writing about not being judgmental. Indeed, in my book 10 Steps to Finding Your Happy Place (and Staying There), Step 6 is “Judge not.” So I had a good laugh at myself for doing just that!
The blessing of this lesson was enhanced by the opportunity to debrief with one of the people I had judged. I admitted to her the judgment I had made and how I had come to understand my mistake. In response, she offered no blame; on the contrary she seemed unperturbed by whatever I had thought. She simply asked that I allow her to be who she is and refrain from wanting her to be a certain way. Fair request, and an inspiring model of non-judgment.
Now I’m becoming more aware of all the ways judgment so easily slips into my thoughts. I can see how it confines me in a closed universe of my own narrative, severing me from union, edging me out of alignment with the natural flow of energy in the universe, obscuring my perception of what is, and restricting my engagement with the present moment.
So how am I living as a perfect human being? We think to be perfect, we must never make a mistake, must always live up to an ideal like Jesus, Buddha, or whoever represents the standard we must strive to achieve. But that’s not perfection; that is a denial of reality.
Instead, I’m just doing what my friend asked for herself – not judging myself, not wanting me to be anything other than what I am in this and every moment, which is life expressing itself in this human form with everything that entails. This is who we are. It’s the only thing we can be. And it’s perfect.
Imagine that you love yourself just the way you are. You love your body just the way it is, and you love your emotions just the way they are. You know that you are perfect just as you are. ~Miguel Ruiz
good entry – one to make me think and assess
Truth is — Sometimes I’m not even aware that I’m in judgement – it can be such a normal part of my life
I hear you. For every judgment I catch, I’m sure many more slip through the net. Our brains are wired to evaluate and tell a story. But each time we see that happening, we have a chance to release the narrative and be fully present.
PS–Speaking of being perfect, as I was responding to your comment I noticed a typo in the post — I misspelled perfect! How perfect!!