I was chatting with my daughter about a situation involving my grandchildren. I can’t even remember what we were talking about, but at one point my daughter paused and looked at me. “You’re a ride or die Nana,” she observed.
I had to look that up. A ride or die person is someone who will do anything for the one they love, no matter what. Of course, that made me laugh with respect to being a grandmother. But it did make me think about life and what we are willing to commit our whole selves to.
I’ve joked about my favorite prayer for living an awakened life: “Whatever it takes … and please help me mean it.” Because even in all my enthusiasm, there is a part that sometimes hesitates. What if whatever it takes is too much?
And on some level, I know the answer to that because what it takes is everything … and nothing. The price of awakening is giving up every illusion, every belief, every judgment, everything that separates us from each other and from sacred Oneness. Adyashanti says it best: “The price of staying awake is giving up every reason you have to stop loving.”
That doesn’t sound like nothing. But from within the awakened embrace of the Beloved, everything that is not love is not real. All the grievances we nurse and cherish in the dark corners of our hearts disappear in the light of Truth. We wonder why we thought they were so important, if we remember them at all.
I don’t know if I’m a ride or die Nana, but I want to be a ride or die human being. As I breathe my last breath, I want to smile and say, to use another idiom, that I left it all on the field. I held nothing back. I left not one day unloved. I embraced with infinite compassion all that arose in my sphere of experience. I lived showered in grace and bathed in gratitude. I surrendered every breath to the Beloved.
… and please help me mean it.
If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it. ~Toni Morrison